wrigley field is MILF paradise
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize