Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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