My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
