youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
