Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
