wrigley field is MILF paradise
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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