I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just high enough for therapy.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
