hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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