He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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