pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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