the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
