the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
