Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
