I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
