I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
