Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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