just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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