i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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