She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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