he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
