am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
