Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
