I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
