Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
