Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Blood and glitter go together right?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
