yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
