wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
