Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
