I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
NoShamevember. You game?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
