apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
