Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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