Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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