She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
