dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
