did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
