I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
