apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
