Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
