she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize