I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
