we have officially lost it.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
