Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
