Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
