it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
