I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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