you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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