I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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