He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
