I seem to have left my pride at pride
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
