so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize