Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
