dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
