If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
