What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
