Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
