sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize