dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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