Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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