Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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