how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
