Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
